During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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