matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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