My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
high people should be assigned attendants
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
