Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
