so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
