So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
