I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
