I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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