so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
