C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Girls should come with a carfax report
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Still dying that you shit outside
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
