Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize