eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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