I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
