were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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