A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
