I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
