the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
