never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
