Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
