peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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