if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
