In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
