Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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