Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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