I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
