Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
