Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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