my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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