Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
