I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
