omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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