If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
