I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
