using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
