I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
