Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
