Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
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Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
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are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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