If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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