she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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