My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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