Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
