Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We left an ass print on the piano.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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