Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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