You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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