just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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