i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
