All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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