I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
