What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
