nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I have aggressive nipples.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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