THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
