My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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