One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
