I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize