Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
