I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
