I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
