Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
