my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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