I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
