try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
