i may or may not be watching the land before time
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
false alarm. still invincible.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
