Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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