Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
