Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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