Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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