Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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