I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize