oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
