We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
