Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
