I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
