Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
