it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
