I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
