Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
