I don't usually arrange sex via text message
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
