Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
