could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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