someone get that fucking seahorse.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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