Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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