evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
